


Our Secret Fears

by NeuPulman



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-25 21:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9845732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeuPulman/pseuds/NeuPulman
Summary: They both have their fears. One day they have to talk about them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well, writing in English is still a little bit strange for me, but with the help of one great person, PaperKalta, it became much easier. 
> 
> Hope you will enjoy the story.

Harry knows that he has a face of this Earth’s famous murderer. It’s a little bit disgusting, but he can handle it. It's not something that he should be concerned with just now. There are a lot of more important things. It's not like he’s interested in life on this Earth, so it's okay if he can’t really go to some public place or have a rest outside because someone can recognize him.

It doesn't matter because almost all his time he is in the workshop or in the Cortex in STAR Labs. There are no days off if you are a member of Team Flash, and he's not a person who likes parties and crowds — and anyway, he can go out at night, when there is no one who can recognize him on the street.

So, Harry tries to tell himself that nothing's wrong. He almost convinces himself that he's fine with all of this. There are people who have already become accustomed to him and to the fact that one evil person used his face, so it's not that bad.

But then there is Cisco. Sometimes Harry thinks that Ramon is okay with his presence. The young man doesn't act strange when they are together. Cisco learned how to look Harry in the eye and how to stop reacting every time Harry does something that reminds the younger man of the other Wells. “Thawne,” Harry corrects himself, irritated.

Yet, something may happen, and Ramon stops seeing Harry as Harry. He looks at the older man, when he thinks that Harry can’t see him, for some time, trying to figure out if he is the person he's supposed to be. It annoys Harry like hell. It's been a long time since he’s come here. He helps them all and saved them a couple of times. Why can’t that kid get used that Harry is not the person who betrayed them?

They don't talk about it now. Harry knows that the wounds that person left are still bleeding. Now he cares for all of the members of the team enough not to upset them further. Especially, when it comes to Ramon. At the very beginning, Harry didn't hesitate to say or do something that hurt Cisco. So, now this subject is taboo between two of them.

One day Harry comes into their workshop and finds the young man standing in the middle of the room. It's awfully cold here, but Cisco's wearing only t-shirt, and Harry shivers a little, even though he has put on a good jacket before his coming here. Ramon looks lost, and his stare is blank, which means he’s having a vibe. Usually he's able to hear outside sounds, but this time he doesn't seem to hear Harry. The older man goes to his desk, watching Cisco closely. He looks so small, vulnerable and young, and Harry bites his lip thinking if he should say something just now to make sure that Cisco can't hear him during this vibe. But before he decides, Cisco suddenly blinks several times and breathes out heavily.

He is disoriented and absent-minded after having a vibe. Ramon doesn't move, he stares just in front of himself with some kind of disbelief or bewilderment. A minute passes, and Harry coughs to draw Cisco's attention to himself. The vibe seems to be special, because Ramon has never been thinking about it for such a long time. With such odd expression on his face. He looks around the workshop perplexedly and then notices Harry at his desk. He startles and to puts his hand on his chest in defensive gesture. Harry stares at Cisco anxiously and sees something that looks like fear in Cisco's eyes. The young man stumbles back several steps from Harry, but another desk behind him doesn't let him go further. The horror changes into fear. And then Cisco realizes.

“Harry?” he whispers. “Oh god, I thought it was…”

Harry doesn't have to hear the continuation of the phrase to find out who Cisco saw at first.

Ramon is confused with his vibe and his reaction to Harry's presence here. He sighs with relief and regret, but he doesn't move his hand from the place on his chest above the heart.

“Well, I have something Barry needs just now, so… I'll go. And tell him. Like, just now.”

Cisco leaves the room without even looking at Harry. He almost runs away, and for some reason Harry wants to grab Ramon's hand, stop him from his escape and tell him that Harry's nothing like Thawne. Even if they share the same face or wear the same type of clothes. He wants to tell Ramon that it doesn't work that way.

But Cisco has already left, and there is nobody who will listen.

Harry just shrugs and tries to tell himself that he doesn't care if this stupid boy can't understand that he’s totally different. There shouldn't be reason for wanting Cisco to open his eyes and see him as an ally, not a person who betrayed them.

Unfortunately, it's exactly what Harry wants just now.

***

Several weeks later, he and Cisco are in the Cortex. The rest of the team are busy with something in the basement, and two of them have to work here. The young man’s trying to find something about their new meta, and Harry is just drinking his coffee, because he really needs it after a sleepless night and because he has a bad headache.

There has been too many reasons to think instead of sleep at night recently. And thinking is not the best way to ease your stress in life, Harry knows that for sure. Especially, when your thoughts are about something you don't understand completely. When you can't just share it with anyone around you.

A lot of things happened after their little conversation. They nearly died two or three times, were kidnapped, got lost in the forest once and were deprived of sleep almost every night. Unfortunately, all these fantastic events couldn't help Harry get the thought about Ramon out of his head. They even made it worse, because every time Cisco's managed to be in the center of all this shit. The lost expression on his face after every event made Harry feel uncomfortable.

Of course, it isn't the only reason Harry can't sleep. There is another one, and it freaks Harry out. The young man used to look at him. They were suspicious or angry looks. Ramon could frown or screw up his lips in disagreement, but it was better than now. Now he’s stopped looking at Harry at all.

He began staring at the floor or at the desk or somewhere else during their conversations again, and now Harry can't catch his glances anymore. Ramon tries to avoid being in a room alone with Harry. Something has changed, and Harry doesn't like it. Cisco (it takes some time and effort to admit it) is important for Harry.

God, Harry would even ask Ramon if he knew him how to ask such questions. Or what to ask about.

Harry turned his head and stares at Cisco. They sit nearby, and it's difficult for Ramon not to notice it. Ramon seems to be stressed out because nobody is here except Harry. Every time the older man moves to raise his coffee mug, Cisco flinches with worried expression on his face.

Harry's wondering what that vibe was about. Obviously, Harry or the other person with his face was involved. Surely, they meant something to the young man. But what was it? Why does Ramon acts like this? It's difficult to tell.

The headache is awful, and nothing makes it any better for Harry. He's really suffering, and maybe it’s that makes Ramon notice him holding his head. He's too good and kind to pretend that he doesn't see it. Cisco always tries to do everything he can to help, and Harry finds this trait of his character really cute. Cisco hesitantly puts his hand on Harry's shoulder and asks:

“Are you alright?”

Harry opens his eyes, realizing that he closed them, and sees Ramon's concerned glance. He notes for himself that it's pleasure that he feels when that Cisco looks at him. His eyes are warm and soft and kind. Harry is almost happy when Cisco looks at him again.

Even if the the young man lowers his eyes at once.

“Are you?” Harry asks unexpectedly. He places his hands on Ramon's arms making him look up and tightens his grip a little bit. He didn't want to say that, it just… happened. Surprisingly, Cisco doesn't intend to break free, so Harry continues. “You’ve been avoiding me for three weeks. What's wrong?”

“What? I don't…” Ramon looks like he's taken aback.

“Oh, I'm sure you do understand what I'm talking about. I want to know what happened.”

“Nothing happened.” Ramon insists. “Everything is fine.”

“You barely look at me. You don't stay alone with me. You almost don't talk to me — until you have no other choice. Is it what you call ‘fine’?”

Cisco says nothing, and it sets Harry's nerves on edge. He doesn't understand it at all, his head hurts, his feelings are screwed up. So, he roars, annoyed with all this fucking shit.

“I'm not like Thawne, okay? Stop seeing him in me, cause I'm nothing like him. I don't act like him. Do you follow me? I'm not going to betray you, I don't pretend.”

He is angry at himself, at person who used his appearance, at Cisco, because this stupid person doesn't understand the difference. God, Harry is so tired. He clenches his fists and he's about to throw something from the table, he realizes that he doesn't want to scare Ramon.

Fuck. He really doesn't want to scare him or make him feel bad. It's not what Cisco deserves, and now he definitely feels uncomfortable. Harry can read fear on his face, and the man suddenly feels nauseous. He keeps on telling that he's nothing like the other Wells — Thawne — but it's not completely the truth. He's not him, of course, but he still acts like him sometimes.

So, Harry just swears quietly and rushes out of the Cortex holding his head, because it still hurts. He's not the best person ever. His personality is really challenging, and he has reasons for it. He always wanted everyone remember it, but Cisco became special somehow.

Harry isn't sure what he should do.

***

He wanders in the workshop. There must be something he can work on. Well, it's not that simple to do, but everything's better than just sitting and thinking. There are pills for headache on the desk, and Harry takes one. He knows that it won't help, but hopes for a miracle.

Harry falls on the chair. Actually, he just wants to lie down and die. The pain is terrible, but he know that if he continues thinking about it, it won't disappear. Slowly, he takes a blueprint from the desk and looks through it. He remembers Cisco showed him this blueprint. Though Harry can't recollect what it's supposed to feature. It takes him some time to understand what is on the paper, but soon Harry manages to get his thoughts together.

The man rubs his eyes and stats reading some notes on the back of the paper. This thing — according Ramon's notes — should help them fight with metas. When it is ready, of course.

“Harry,” the man hears the silent voice behind him. He almost barks something like “what?!”, but when he turns his head he sees that it's Cisco. He's standing at the doorway, embarrassed and with disturbed expression.

Harry is frozen. To be honest, he never expected Ramon to come after him. They are not friends to comfort each other, right? Nevertheless, Ramon's here, and he's looking at Harry, he doesn't try to look away again.

“Hey,” Cisco says. He steps forward tentatively. Harry only watches him come closer, he cannot drag his gaze away.

When Ramon is that close so he can touch Harry, the man puts the paper on the desk. Cisco reaches out his hand, then asks hesitantly:

“May I?” When Harry nods, he takes the man’s hand and — for Harry's surprise — puts it on his own chest.

Where the heart is situated.

Harry feels Cisco's heat and heartbeat. It's so pleasant, and he wants this moment to last as long as possible. Both of them are silent. It's possible to hear a quiet hum of Ramon's stuff that is always in the workshop.

“I want you to know that I trust you. And I know that you're not him. I understood it long ago.” Cisco tells Harry sincerely, and the older man can't fail to believe him.

“Then what was wrong?” Harry's voice is hoarse and unsure. “You started acting strange after that vibe, didn't you?”

“Yeah. But it wasn't about that.” Cisco bites his lower lip with his eyes locked on the ground. No, Harry thinks, not again. He stands up making Cisco look after him.

They stand really close to each other. Harry's hand is still on Cisco's chest, and he feels and hears him gasp for air.

“Then what was it about?”

Cisco is tense as if he doesn't know how to tell him.

“It was… it was about us. I mean, you and me. We were together and… we were making out. And more than just… making out, god, do I really have to say it out loud?”

“Oh.” Harry says. To be honest, he didn't expect to hear that at all. He was ready to hear that Cisco began having vibes about that day when he was killed in another timeline again. Or about Reverse Flash’s return. Or even about something that included Harry. The reality appeared to be even more surprising. “So, is it going to happen in the future?”

“No! No, of course, not. I know it's not what you want. I guess, it was some another Earth, so you don't need to worry… anyway, if we know the future, we can change it, right? So, don't…”

Right now Harry wants Cisco to shut up, and the best way to do this is a small kiss. Harry knows perfectly well that he would never venture to do this without insufferable headache and four or five pills of painkillers.

The kiss is short and chaste, but Harry is heartily satisfied with Cisco's reaction. The guy is dazed, there is a flush on his cheeks, his lips are partly opened. His grip on Harry's hand which he has put on his chest weakens. Cisco desperately tries to find the words, but it's too challenging.

Harry wants to laugh with relief. All his fears were really stupid, and he's glad that he wasn't right.

“W-we… I… you don't want to change the future?”

Harry just sighs heavily and lays his forehead on Cisco's shoulder. He pulls him closer and wraps his arms around the young man’s back. Cisco shivers a little, puts his hand on Harry's hair and combs it gently. At this very moment the older man is confident of two things. Firstly, Cisco has been wanting to do this for a pretty long time. Secondly, Harry definitely has a crush on this guy.

“I don't want to change the future.” He mutter in Cisco's ear. “So, you didn't mistake me for Thawne? After the vibe.”

“What? No. It's just still difficult to collect myself after vibes sometimes. I thought that it was just another vibe, so… Please, don't tell me that all this time you were sure that I was still able to take you for him.” Harry sniffs, but Ramon understands everything. He laughs stroking Harry's hair. “You should've asked me at once, you know.”

“You should've told me everything.”

“I was afraid that you would be angry.” Cisco says indignantly. “You're not the cutest person on this Earth. On both our Earthes. And it's hard to understand what you feel”

“Let's be happy that my crush on you won't let me be angry.” Harry says with a sly smile. Cisco giggles and hugs him tight.

Everything is going to be fine.


End file.
